we can find some great advice looking at hadith. InshAllah these hadith and surahs below are a good reminder of some characteristics of the Islamic marriage for us sisters. I encourage all of you interested in becoming better Muslimahs and wives toturn your attentions first to the Holy Quran in study and your questions, inshAllah, to the leaders of your masjid. May Allah SWT reward you for your efforts.
A Few Hadith
Trustworthy & Obedient~ Ibn Katheer said, "Ibn Abbas said, 'The righteous women are obedient to their husbands (Qanitaat). Also ibn Katheer said,"Imam Suddi said, 'They (good wives) protect their husbands' honor and money in their absence."'
The Reward of a Faithful Muslimah & Wife~ Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet PBUH said, "If a woman prayed the five prayers, fasted in Ramadan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its (eight) doors."
Show Appreciation~ "Avoid being unappreciative or unthankful to your husband, Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her." [An-Nasaii].
Importance of Marriage~ Allah's Apostle said: Ali (AS), there are three matters which should not be deferred: the Prayer when its time is due, the funeral as soon it is ready, and the case of a woman without a husband, when there is a suitable (spouse) for her in her class.
Conceal His Secrets~ "Among the worst type of people in the sight of Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgement is a man who enjoys his wife's intimate company, and she enjoys his intimate company, then one of them goes and discloses the secret of the other."
Help Guide Eachother~ "The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "May Allah have mercy on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray,and wakes her husband up to pray, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face." (Abu Dawud)
Don't Nag!~ The Prophet Suleiman (as) said: "A nagging wife is like water endlessly dripping."
The Holy Quran
Devotion
"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husband's property, etc). " (4:34)
Guard Your Modesty''And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze ,'' (24:31)
Remember that your Spouse is a Gift
''And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts],'' (30:21)
Forgive Easily
"It is in keeping with the mercy of Allah that you should deal gently with them. If you were severe with them, or harsh of heart, they would have dispersed from round about you. So pass over their faults, and ask forgiveness for them." (3:159)
A Mother's Advice to Her Daughter
'O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
'O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
'O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
'O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
'O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
'Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
'The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
'The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
'The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
'The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
'The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
'The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
'The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
'The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
'The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
'Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
'Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
'Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you."
'Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
'Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you."
Something To Ponder
Too many non-Muslims and Muslims seem to think that Muslim women have no right working and aspirations for a higher education or a great career are downright disgraceful and masculine. While I fully support women who do not wish to work, it should be acknowledged that it's a cultural, not an Islamic, conception that women have no place outside the home.
The Prophet's (PBUH) first wife Khadija (May Allah SWT be pleased with her) was his employer (she also proposed to him), and his wife Zaynab worked after their marriage.
A Simple Way to InshAllah Make Him Smile
We all have likes and dislikes. Living with someone, you'll quickly come to know what makes their pet peeves list and what doesn't. What are five things your husband loves, and five things he strongly dislikes?
Make a note of these and get a move on!
At least once a day pick two from either one category or both and let him know you care. For example, if your husband loves your cooking, start making him a lunch for work a couple days a week inshAllah, and if he loathes a certain chore, take care of it for him! You'll soon find that it's the small things that can really let him know you care.
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